I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
