booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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