Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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