Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
