I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
