I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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