stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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