We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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