please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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