Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
