so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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