remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
