I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
