so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
