Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
