Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
