sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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