He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
