please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
