At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
