I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
