Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
