We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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