Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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