Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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