grandma shit on top of the toilet
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
