All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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