If i come over, it means nothing
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
