The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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