Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
