i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
