2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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