My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
