listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm passing your future prison.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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