So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
