Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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