My room smells like vodka and shame
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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