I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
