that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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