3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
