If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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