Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
