My Higher Power is John Stamos
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
