So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
