I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize