There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
