I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
