Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
