porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize