i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
