Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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