Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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