I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
my liver is dry heaving
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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