Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
