Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
