He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize