im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
