She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
