apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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