so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
