I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
