A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
