Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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