Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize