How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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