I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
what day is it and did you see me today?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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