Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
