Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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