guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
