Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
