He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
