come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
