why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
