Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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